Have Fear...Don't Escalate?!?!

Fear and escalation. They kind of go hand-in-hand. It’s very easy to panic and jump the gun to a higher than needed response when you are afraid or in a situation that is fear inducing. The fear you feel is hard to translate in a courtroom. You may be justified. Or you may have escalated the situation needlessly and be at fault. It’s a very thin line that you must be careful not to cross.

First, let me be clear, if you fear for your life, you must defend yourself. At the moment is not the time for a debate. Do what you must to get home safe. That being said, if you have clearly stopped an attacker and then pursue or continue after they have been knocked-out/stunned, etc., you will be at fault.

Some examples to think about:

• A woman being attacked by a man.

• A woman being attacked by another woman.

• A woman being attacked by a man/woman with a weapon (knife/gun/pipe/etc.)

• A woman being attacked by multiple men/women/or mixed group.

• A man being attacked by another man.

• A man being attacked by a woman.

• A man being attacked by a man/woman with a weapon (knife/gun/pipe/etc.)

• A man being attacked by multiple men/women/or mixed group..

Obviously when more than one attacker is involved and/or a weapon is being used, the fear of safety rises much higher. And the idea of fighting back with everything makes more sense. But the 1-on-1 scenarios are grey at best. What if we describe the person being attacked as a younger girl or boy? A college student? A high school student? Notice how your perspective of fear and justification changes. What if they were elderly? Pregnant? Disabled? That was on the “being attacked side” what if we flip the table and say that the attacker is a younger person, student, elderly, pregnant, disabled? How does that shift your perspective of fear and response?

There are few clean-cut answers here. But the more we contemplate and discuss this ahead of time, the more you will be prepared to act with the appropriate level of response. Training for self-defense is not just physical. It’s also mental and emotional. Be prepared.

Does this strike a chord with you?

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Shhhhh....

Your Miranda Rights:
While wording can vary slightly by jurisdiction, it must include:

1. You have the right to remain silent.

2. Anything you say can and will be used against you in a court of law.

3. You have the right to an attorney.

4. If you cannot afford an attorney, one will be appointed for you.

5. Do you understand these rights?

Most importantly is #1. Be quiet. Shhhh… Stop talking. Get an attorney.

After an incident - right or wrong - we tend to want to explain ourselves. To justify our actions. When the police arrive this is usually not the best time nor the correct audience (police are not the judge). And if you maimed or killed your attacker, the stakes become higher. You HAVE the right to remain silent. But do you have the ability? Bodycams will record everything you say. Police car cams will record everything you say. Be respectful. Claim your right to be silent. Claim your right for an attorney.

Understand when a police officer is in trouble they shut up and the lawyer up. If it’s good enough for them, it’s good enough for you.

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We're Not in the Ring Anymore...

A clang of the bell. Two fighters come out of their corners, prepared to meet in the middle of the ring and duke it out. Each expecting the other. Each moving and countering as they get closer. They know what’s happening. They know what to expect.

Switch scenes.

It’s after work. You are walking to your car looking for your keys in your pocket. Then, out of the blue, someone grabs you and pushes you from behind. You stumble, hitting into a nearby car. Your glasses fall off your face. Someone is shouting at you and hitting you.

Two very different scenes. Two very different approaches. In a self-defense situation the fighting may be similar to the fighting in a ring, but the approach and environment is 100% different. The main difference is expectation. In a ring you are there to fight. You know you will be fighting. Your body is prepping for it. In the other scene you are just going about your business and the last thing you are expecting is to be fighting for your life. Not to mention that it is probably at night, in poor weather conditions and on uneven, and treacherous ground.

You play the way your practice. Make sure to practice with this element of surprise. Get outside of the ring. Practice on gravel, wet grass and sand. Understand the extra elements that are not present in the ring. Preparation is the key!

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Wet Hair, Lather, Rinse, Repeat

Let’s talk about training vs. not training. A lot of students train to compile techniques. The more they learn the better they get - or do they?

Technique will differentiate a trained person over an untrained person. Like knowing how to actually throw a real punch with your body weight behind it is a difference maker. But that is not the real difference that makes a trained person be able to handle a self-defense encounter better.

The real “secret” is the process. The directions on your shampoo bottle are a good example: wet hair, lather, rinse, repeat. Follow the process and repeat the process. Again. And again. And again. Training is not in the technique but more so in the process. Being exposed to different attacks and situations day-in & day-out, week-in & week-out, month-in & month-out is the true secret.

My instructor used to tell me, “Recognize the situation, recognize your position, you’ve been here before.” The more you do this the more it becomes automatic. And that is what can save your life.

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Managing the Chaos

If you are suddenly under an attack - say from behind, being strangled - the clock is ticking. You have about 8 seconds before your muscles give out and you start losing consciousness. Freezing and maintaining the status quo IS NOT an option. Fighting his grip around your neck IS NOT an option. The attacker is in a dominate state of control and is proceeding forward to his goal. You need to maximize the chaos. Throw in some variables that he is not ready for.

What can you do? Arching up and throwing your whole body down to the ground or over a chair may hurt you but also may hurt him. At the very least he is probably not ready for it and in that chaos you can hopefully break free and then escape or fight back. It is risky but it throws variables into the mix that you can then use to gain an opportunity.

Learn to manage choas. Sometimes more chaos is a good thing!

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Fight vs. Assault

A physical confrontation can take many forms and shapes. Not all are the same. I want to define the difference in my eyes between a “fight” and an “assault.”

A fight is a physical attack that can happen from a misunderstanding, an argument or within a competitive event. A fight involves hitting and/or grappling with the goal of overcoming your opponent. It can devolve into an assault but usually is resolved once the dominant party takes command of the situation via knockout, surrender/quitting, or fleeing. This is where you fight to be the winner.

An assault is a fight that also involves hitting and grappling but also usually involves the use of a weapon/tool. Be it a knife, a gun, a beer bottle, etc. Additionally, it has a very different intent. That intent is a predatory malice to injure, maim, rape and/or kill the other. This is where you fight to survive.

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Time to get EMOTIONAL...

Needless to say that when we are attacked we are under a barrage of stress. Physical mental and - YES - emotional. The big 3. For you to survive such an encounter you have to not only manage this stress but also channel it into a functional and dare I say, tactical, operating system.

You need to align your physical actions with a mental purpose and have it all fueled by your emotional outlook. If you are enraged, let that rage strengthen your body. If you are scared, turn that fear into a tactical retreat. If you are in a commanding position maintain your ground and let everything deflect off of you. Etc.

This is the Go-Dai elemental theory. It is not some mystical unseen “force.” It is a way to act decively even when our emotions get in the way.

1. Water - defensiveness

2. Earth - stability

3. Fire - aggression

4. Wind - evasiveness

5. Void - emptiness (all combined)

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What's my situ?

We go through our day with blinders on. Our routine becomes automatic and as such our brains turn off and we don’t notice what’s happening around us… until it’s too late.

This is what we call “situational awareness”. I want to be aware of my surroundings in each situation that I find myself in throughout the day.

I also want to minimize compromises to my attention - music, cell phone, etc. And I need to realize compromises in my position - in a crowd, on a subway, wearing restrictive clothes, etc.

The more you realize “your situ” the more chance you have of avoiding and/or fending off a possible attack.

TIP: try decreasing the use of your cell phone when in public. Get your head up. Look around you. Notice what’s happening. The good and the bad - take it all in and take back your safety.

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Violence IS the answer...

Imagine the scene…

A young woman is cleaning up her kitchen at night after getting her child to bed. While she is doing the dishes an intruder breaks thru her backdoor into the kitchen and attacks her. During the scuffle the attacker grabs a knife from the knife block on the kitchen counter and ends up stabbing the young woman multiple times, killing her.

Now imagine this scene…

A young woman is cleaning up her kitchen at night after getting her child to bed. While she is doing the dishes an intruder breaks thru her backdoor into the kitchen and attacks her. During the scuffle the young woman grabs a knife from the knife block on the kitchen counter and ends up stabbing her attacker multiple times, killing him.

In both scenes violence was used. One time in the attacker's favor and one time in the young woman’s favor. Obviously it is a tragic result with the young woman dying in the first scene. But it is a triumphant action by the young woman in the second. Why is that?? Because violence or violent action is just a tool. How you use it determines the good or the bad. When confronted - point blank - with violence, the only option you have is to fight back. In other words, violence is the problem but IS also the solution.

Yes there are many shades of grey involved here. But, when you are faced with an asocial attacker in your face, in the moment, the only thing that will truly stop that attacker is a violent action on your behalf that causes a disfunction in the attacker’s body. You must be willing and able to do this when attacked with your life on the line.

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